tonight i cannot find anyone else to talk to
so i will walk alone
down this road that leads nowhere
past fallen trees
that i have not touched
but will replace
knowing that somehow i am part
of what caused them to crash in the first place
no one told me it would be simple
in fact i came looking for complexity
but what i have found is
beer, pot, cigarettes
and a maddening urge to go home
back home
to a place that does not exist
down a road that leads nowhere
the constant swarming could drive me insane
or maybe it already has
and i just don't know
because i'm too far away
i would like to be too far away
but it hasn't happened yet
we are all playing games
to pass the time
trying to ignore what is hovering above our heads
and could eat us alive
leaving us dead on the block
**********
tonight there are lots of people to talk to
but quite frankly
i just don't feel like it
walk into the sun with a cigarette
the sound of gravel beneath my feet
my cap and shovel
all remind me of a twelve year old boy
headed off
marching toward the mine
returning with a labour-blackened face
only we are so close to the clouds
and some part of me wants to be here
there is a girl with flowers in her hair
lying on a log
with bubbles floating past her
and the storybook trees
are not so far away
**********
today i learned the meaning of the word
RIDICULOUS
if you look closely
it may appear that i am smiling
but really it is the onset of insanity
the kind that goes away when you are
sitting on a porcelain toilet again
and don't have to swat mosquitoes
away from your ass
i think the loggers must have been laughing
when they toppled all of the "horseshit"
into the gully
knowing that i would have to plant it
wading hip-high through bushes and crap
more profane that i can make them sound
but then i see beautiful bodies
moving across the land
etching lines into the dark soil
imitating the miracle of creation
his muscles are the words of a new religion
his beauty reveals to me
the secrets of the earth
the rain clings to his power as he walks
silently through the forming stream
body and water melting to replenish the land
the wind and rain chill past my bones
through my words
and leave me dreaming of fire
**********
when i close my eyes at night i see trees
naturals, bushes, swamps, logs
and i panic because i
don't know where to plant
i wonder how long the image will last
when i no longer wake up in the woods
when there are no more van rides
filled with incessant chatter and vile odours
when i'm not in constant companionship
with people i barely know
the streets of the city are too hard
and too clean
the puddles form perfectly in parking lots
my boots repel the ground
rather than being sucked in by soft earth
that is so often deceiving
there is shelter from the rain
but i cannot hear it fall
the sound is swallowed by the
3 am subliminal buzz of town
even the convenience
of french fries and beer
cannot justify the hard ground
asphalt puddles
and being told when i can and cannot
cross the street
**********
i am looking for the promised land
i have caught glimpses of it
riding on the quad
creamy ground
smoking by the fire
while the rain softly falls
but the moments are quick to fade
and then it pours
i came looking for sanity
but what i have now is an
overwhelming desire
to run naked through the water
to where the trees still grow
and live there
with the bears and the porcupine
Copyright 1993
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